Lust, Language, and the Un-Level Playing Field

By Randall Smith

Thursday, 20 June 2013

I suggested in a previous column ( “Robot Sex”) that contraception has changed the way people think about sex. Instead of a conjugal union between a man and woman open to new life, the word “sex” now often signifies any sort of sexual stimulation, even self-stimulation. Using this new parlance, you can, for example, say you had “virtual sex” with a “virtual woman.” Speaking this way, however, bends the language beyond recognition; it makes no more sense than saying I used my virtual hammer to drive a virtual nail. Try getting a job as a carpenter with that on your resume.   When a person using a “virtual” hammer on “virtual” nails insists he is “building a house,” then he and an actual carpenter won’t be using the same language anymore. They won’t, for example, be able to sit down and share stories about “building things” the way, say, two carpenters, one who builds houses and another who builds furniture, will. The latter two understand two different sorts of “building”; the computer guy understands only a pale simulacrum of the actual thing.   So too with what many people today consider to be “sex.” It’s merely an odd simulacrum of actual, full-bodied sex. I swing my little toy hammer, and I call it “hammering.” Is it? A real carpenter would say, “Get yourself some nails, kid, and then start building something.  That’s hammering.” Hammering, for a real carpenter, isn’t an end unto itself; it’s a means to some other end: to making something, like a house or a table. In a similar way, you can imagine an adult who’s had real sex, upon listening to the descriptions of what young people today often call sex – that sterile, contraceptive activity – saying: “That’s not sex, any more than play hammering is hammering. Use some actual nails, kid, and make something!”    Modern people say odd things like: “What? Children? Why would they be involved in sex?” But that’s a little like saying: “What? Nails? Building something? Why would those be involved in hammering?” The actual carpenter could only scratch his head: “What are they teaching kids these days?” I teach theology, and the questions I get asked most often have to do with Church teachings on sex. One often hears the criticism that the Catholic Church is “obsessed” with sex to the detriment of its other moral teachings. I teach social justice, and I would love to be asked about the Church’s teachings on private property and the universal destination of the earth’s resources. But students don’t.   The Church isn’t obsessed with sex – it has a vast and rich moral tradition that covers everything from politics to the powers of the soul. It’s Americans who are obsessed. Indeed, “sex ed” is the only class any of my students have been given to prepare them for adulthood. There are no classes on “marital ed,” or how to finance a house, or get insurance. Naturally, the only thing my students think adults think about is sex: how to do it, when to do, and why can’t they do it when and where and with whom they want to do it.            Bratz dolls: marketed to  “over-8s” Most of the students (and plenty of adults for that matter) who ask me about the Church’s teaching aren’t exactly looking for moral guidance; they usually want to know how the Church can teach the crazy things she teaches. Not about the Trinity or the Incarnation or the Sacraments, of course – in such matters, people are permitted to believe in any crazy thing they want, whether it’s angels, Hindu gods, or UFOs.   No, my questioners want to know how we Catholics can hold such outrageous ideas about abortion, contraception, and same-sex marriage, and about these things they are much less tolerant of what they consider to be aberrant views. Tell people you believe in the plant god Vege-Nu, and you’re fine. Inform them calmly you think contraception isn’t helpful to a marriage, and you’ll be thought a dangerous lunatic in need of confinement and medical care. When I’m asked such questions, I’m not exactly operating on a level playing field. On the opposing team, we have the big “front four” running interference: the constant spur of adolescent passion; constant media bombardment with images of easy-going, uncommitted sex;  the never-ending, relentless force of peer pressure; and a cultural environment that finds any and all expression of “moral” boundaries “uncool” and “unacceptable. And on the other side, me, with about four or five minutes before the attention wanders. And I’m supposed to keep these kids from scoring?   Let’s be clear what we’re up against here: a well-funded intellectual and corporate juggernaut dedicated to making billions selling things to our children by detaching them from the boundaries and limits that families and wisdom traditions have traditionally imparted, so that they can goad their passions into uncontrolled bouts of purchasing life-style items that these young people are convinced will give them a certain sense of belonging within the largely “rootless” and “homeless” culture in which they currently reside. If parents want teachers to be able to compete against the forces that threaten the welfare of their children, they’re going to have to level that playing field a bit. There’s very little chance of the Church getting even the most basic sort of hearing from adolescents who have never been required to curb their passions, have little or no experience of the real joys of civilized “adult” companionship, and whose minds and passions have been systematically skewed in favor of certain powerful, intellectual, and corporate interests insisting that, in the end, it all comes down to this:  People want what they want; why shouldn’t they have it? Next time I’ll suggest why this is not the right question to ask, and why it’s a mistake to try to answer it.                         Randall B. Smith is Professor at the University of St. Thomas, where he has recently been appointed to the Scanlan Chair in Theology.   © 2013 The Catholic Thing. All rights reserved. For reprint rights, write to: info@frinstitute.org

IF YOU THINK BACK ON YOUR LIFE YOU'LL REALIZE THAT NO ONE HAS MORE GIFTS THAN YOU DO

Forcing an issue can burn a hole in what we are seeking. It can break it. There are times that in His mercy, God grants that we can have something we have overly sought (just as we occasionally give in to a child), but usually He puts up roadblocks, especially if something is not in our best interests. If you think back on your life (the career you may have wanted as a teenager, the girlfriends or boyfriends you would have died to have had, the material possessions you so craved), you'll find that having your way would have been to your profound long-term detriment. As the saying goes, God’s greatest grace is in unanswered prayers.

Think back. Go through life and project what would have happened if you had realized some of your fondest desires!

When we die, we will see everything that happened on earth with the clarity of new eyes. Also, we glimpse pieces of this during Communion at Mass.

The senseless will make sense. We’ll see that God changes our plans for the better. He is perfect and knows perfectly well what is best for us. We won't see that whole picture until we are on the "other side" and we may go through life holding onto an old desire. But when we do see the big picture, we'll thank God for not answering many of our most passionate requests. We'll see how prayers that He didn't answer were not answered precisely because of His love. We'll also find that many were not answered because we were violating a spiritual law. Many requests are built on inordinate desire or lust. When we're in Heaven we'll see the many gifts that were hidden in our “misfortunes.”  

Do you have everything laid out? Are you too set in your ways? Have you decided that you know everything you need to know about what you need?

When you're rigid, you create a shell and grace bounces off of it. 

Think of how many ways you may be restricting yourself by being too stiff. 

Sometimes this is the sole reason for unanswered prayers:

 

God wants you to stop yearning so earnestly and to let things unfold in His timing. What you desire may be in His plan for you, but He may be waiting for you to stop obsessing over it. 

 

Nothing inhibits the miraculous more than trying to entirely control a situation. 

The solution, after sufficient prayer, is to let go and put it into God’s Hands. That’s easier said than done, but when we step back and let God direct our lives – when we stop striving, in the belief that we must be in control -- it's miraculous how life can unfold and how peaceful it becomes.

Do not seek what others have. God gives everyone equal gifts. Often we look around and think everyone has more gifts, more “talent,” more possessions, than we do, but in fact if we have the simple gift of making someone happy, if we can love with all our hearts, if we have patience, we have the greatest gifts of all.

The Elephant Whisperer

HOW  DID  THEY  KNOW? (from the internet: Snopes status not yet determined)        SOMETHING IN THE UNIVERSE THAT IS MUCH GREATER AND DEEPER THAN    HUMAN INTELLIGENCE.

THE ELEPHANT'S JOURNEY TO PAY RESPECT, BUT HOW DID THEY KNOW?

 

Lawrence Anthony, a legend in South Africa and author of 3 books including the bestseller The Elephant Whisperer, bravely rescued wildlife and rehabilitated elephants all over the globe from human atrocities, including the courageous rescue of Baghdad Zoo animals during US invasion in 2003. Anthony, Nana and calf (Photo courtesy of the Anthony family)

 
On March 7, 2012 Lawrence Anthony died.

He is remembered and missed by his wife, 2 sons, 2 grandsons and numerous elephants.

Two days after his passing, the wild elephants showed up at his home led by two large matriarchs.

Separate wild herds arrived in droves to say goodbye to their beloved man-friend.

A total of 31 elephants had patiently walked over 12 miles to get to his South African House.

Witnessing this spectacle, humans were obviously in awe not only because of the supreme intelligence and precise timing that these elephants sensed about Lawrence's passing, but also because of the profound memory and emotion the beloved animals evoked in such an organized way:

Walking slowly - for days - Making their way in a solemn one-by-one queue from their habitat to his house.

Elephants gathering at the Anthony home (Photo courtesy of the Anthony family)

So, how after Anthony’s death, did the reserve’s elephants — grazing miles away in distant parts of the park — know? “A good man died suddenly,” says Rabbi Leila Gal Berner, Ph.D., “and from miles and miles away, two herds of elephants, sensing that they had lost a beloved human friend, moved in a solemn, almost ‘funereal’ procession to make a call on the bereaved family at the deceased man’s home.” 
 

“If there ever were a time, when we can truly sense the wondrous ‘interconnectedness of all beings,’ it is when we reflect on the elephants of Thula Thula. A man’s heart’s stops, and hundreds of elephants’ hearts are grieving. This man’s oh-so-abundantly loving heart offered healing to these elephants, and now, they came to pay loving homage to their friend.”

Lawrence's wife, Francoise, was especially touched, knowing that the elephants had not been to his house prior to that day for well over 3 years! 
 

But yet they knew where they were going.

The elephants obviously wanted to pay their deep respects, honoring their friend who'd saved their lives - so much respect that they stayed for 2 days 2 nights without eating anything.

Then one morning, they left, making their long journey back!

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WHEN THINGS DON'T GO AS PLANNED, IT MAY BE GOD 'STIRRING UP THE POT'

If you seek God and work for Him in everything, without pause, the result will be miraculous. Translation: answer when He knocks.

When we have failure, we have to investigate the reasons behind it. It could just be a test, or as I just said, God’s way of nudging us from something that really isn’t good for us. It could also be the result of something wrong that we have done (or are still doing), and for which we must atone. Going back through our lives, we should review every major event, good and bad, and ask ourselves what we took from it. Did we learn from it? Did we improve? Are we focusing our prayers on getting over the hurdle the next time it comes? Remember that trials come in ways that are mostly unexpected – defeated only when prayer has been our preparation.

At other times, we should realize the need for trials. Tests afford an opportunity to step closer to Heaven. God is good and allows us to do some of our purgatory here on earth. We follow Jesus and His cross. When we realize that, there is no longer the room for bitterness. I remember a conversation I had with the former Marine who described the passing of his wife from cancer and how it brought him closer to God. The nurturing of her during that difficult death showed him spiritual truths that otherwise would not have been shown. His response of joy, even in this great “tragedy,” filled him with grace: to this day, many claim that his prayers have healed or converted them. Her death was a gift to the both of them! He later began a ministry of hand-fashioning gorgeous rosaries and shedding tears of joy while he made them.

These tears he rubs into the beads as sort of an anointing.

All of us should likewise reflect on our lives and meditate on why certain unfortunate things may have occurred and what we can learn and produce from them.

God gave us free will. We are like sparks from the fire of His love and the test of life is whether we will return to Him or continue on as sparks into darkness. When we make choices for love, we are coming back to His Light.

The most “unmiraculous” thing we can do is distance ourselves from Him through disbelief, indifference, or anger. Everything is set in our paths for a reason and the longer we walk with God, the more we recognize the truth that there are no accidents. All events have some kind of purpose; only God fully understands what that purpose is. But we can say this: often, He allows chaos to erupt around us.

He does that because He needs to stir in order to cook. He wants to rearrange things. Our task is to submit. When we die, God will not judge on whether we met every single challenge in an absolutely perfect way but rather by how we made the attempt. What He wants is acknowledgement of Him in all circumstances. 

[adapted from Michael Brown's The God of Miracles]

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From The Imitation of Christ:

VAIN is the man who puts his trust in men, in created things. Do not be ashamed to serve others for the love of Jesus Christ and to seem poor in this world. Do not be self-sufficient but place your trust in God. Do what lies in your power and God will aid your good will. Put no trust in your own learning nor in the cunning of any man, but rather in the grace of God Who helps the humble and humbles the proud.

If you have wealth, do not glory in it, nor in friends because they are powerful, but in God Who gives all things and Who desires above all to give Himself. Do not boast of personal stature or of physical beauty, qualities which are marred and destroyed by a little sickness. Do not take pride in your talent or ability, lest you displease God to Whom belongs all the natural gifts that you have.

Do not think yourself better than others lest, perhaps, you be accounted worse before God Who knows what is in man. Do not take pride in your good deeds, for God's judgments differ from those of men and what pleases them often displeases Him. If there is good in you, see more good in others, so that you may remain humble. It does no harm to esteem yourself less than anyone else, but it is very harmful to think yourself better than even one. The humble live in continuous peace, while in the hearts of the proud are envy and frequent anger.

SHUNNING OVER-FAMILIARITY

DO NOT open your heart to every man, but discuss your affairs with one who is wise and who fears God. Do not keep company with young people and strangers. Do not fawn upon the rich, and do not be fond of mingling with the great. Associate with the humble and the simple, with the devout and virtuous, and with them speak of edifying things. Be not intimate with any woman, but generally commend all good women to God. Seek only the intimacy of God and of His angels, and avoid the notice of men.

We ought to have charity for all men but familiarity with all is not expedient.

Sometimes it happens that a person enjoys a good reputation among those who do not know him, but at the same time is held in slight regard by those who do. Frequently we think we are pleasing others by our presence and we begin rather to displease them by the faults they find in us.

 

SHUN the gossip of men as much as possible, for discussion of worldly affairs, even though sincere, is a great distraction inasmuch as we are quickly ensnared and captivated by vanity. Many a time I wish that I had held my peace and had not associated with men. Why, indeed, do we converse and gossip among ourselves when we so seldom part without a troubled conscience? We do so because we seek comfort from one another's conversation and wish to ease the mind wearied by diverse thoughts. Hence, we talk and think quite fondly of things we like very much or of things we dislike intensely. But, sad to say, we often talk vainly and to no purpose; for this external pleasure effectively bars inward and divine consolation. Therefore we must watch and pray lest time pass idly. When the right and opportune moment comes for speaking, say something that will edify.