"Be a Dad!" | Fr. Larry Richards | Adapted and excerpted from Be a Man! Becoming the Man God Created You to Be | Ignatius Insight You are going to die!
It doesn't matter how rich we are, or how popular we are, or how
powerful we are: we are all going to "kick the bucket" one day. Isn't
that a nice thought?
What we have to do is take some time to sit and meditate about taking our last breath. What do you want your wife to say
about
you? What do you want your kids to say about you? Once you've decided,
"Okay, when I am taking my last breath this is what I want", you can
start living your life with your end goal in mind. You will start living
in such a way that when the day of your death happens, the people who
know you will say what you want them to say.
Death is the
ultimate thing that takes control out of our hands. Even if we commit
suicide, we cannot control what happens after we die. Not one of us had
control over our own birth and not one of us has control of what happens
after we die.
I have been to a lot of deathbeds throughout my
priesthood, so I know what it is going to be like when you are dying.
While you are lying there, the thing that is going to be most important
to you is your relationships—the people that you loved and the people
that in return loved you.
Then why don't we live every day with
that in mind? Make the decision to never let your wife or your kids go
to bed or walk out the door without telling them first that you love
them—life is just too short! It will change your family. It will change
the world.
You should underline John 15:12 in your Bible, where
Jesus commands us, "Love one another as I have loved you." This is not
an option. He also said, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved
you" (Jn 15:9). Jesus told the people He loved that He loved them.
Why is it that men do not do that? Men are embarrassed. They are
afraid. It makes them vulnerable. They think to be a man, you don't go
around telling the people you love that you love them; but Jesus told
twelve men that He loved them. Then He told us to love others in the
same way.
Let me give you a hint: you will never in your life
regret that you told your wife and your kids and the people you love
that you love them—never. You won't be lying on your deathbed one day
saying, "I can't believe that I daily told my loved ones that I loved
them. What is the matter with me?"
Now, how do you fall in love
with someone? You know that you did not get to know your future wife by
meeting her once and giving her forty five minutes to an hour once a
week. You spent time with her. You got to know her. The same is true
with our relationship with God. It might take you months—it might take
you years—but you have to do it. You have to keep spending time with God
until the answer to the question of whether or not
you know God is unequivocally yes.
We need to know who our true Father is. There's only one Father for
everybody: God the Father! That guy you call your dad, he's the
instrument of fatherhood, but he's not your true Father.
When
we talk about our fathers—whether we had a good father, a bad father, a
close and supportive father, or a distant and unsupportive father whom
we did not know at all—it doesn't matter as much because the reality is,
we all have the same Father in heaven. It's that Father Who will bring
healing to us.
Husbands are called to love God primarily
through their
wives. Your wife is the sacrament of Christ to you. You are the
sacrament of Christ to your wife. When she looks at you, she is supposed
to see Jesus Christ. That is why Ephesians 5:22–24 is such a wonderful
passage. It says, "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the
Church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the Church is subject to
Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands."
Many of us remember the translation that said that wives were to be
"submissive to their husbands". The problem is that many men just stop
with their wives being "submissive". The men love that part, which is
why so many women go crazy.
I make this very explicit when I am preaching at a marriage ceremony. I
start with the bride and I say, "Sweetheart, you read the Bible every
day, don't you?" At first I usually get a "Yes, Father", and then I say
kiddingly, "If you lie to a priest, you know, you go to hell." Then she
will usually quickly say, "Okay, no, Father." Then I continue, "Well,
there is a verse in Ephesians that says, 'Wives, be submissive to your
husbands, as to the Lord.' " And then I ask, "Do you think it means what
it says?" And I always get an emphatic "No, Father!" Then I literally
jump up and down and scream, "Yes, it means what it says!" When I say
this, all the feminists in the crowd become very upset and say things
like, "This is another reason I hate the Catholic Church." And the bride
thinks, "Why did we ever get this priest to marry us?" I love this!
Then, as anyone who knows me knows, I am an equal opportunity offender,
so I turn to the groom, who usually likes all of this. Now it is time
for the other shoe to fall. I then ask the groom, "You read the Bible
every day, right?" He always responds, "No, Father." Then I ask, "Well,
do you know what it says in Ephesians after 'Wives, be submissive to
your husbands'?" The groom always shakes his head and says, "No." Then I
continue, "It says, 'Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the
Church and gave himself up for her.' " Then I ask, "Do you know what
that means?" I then continue kiddingly, "Your life is over!" Then I tell
them that every day they need to be more concerned about each other
than they are about themselves! That is what marriage is about!
So you need to start to do at least one unselfish act for your wife
every day. Surprise her. When was the last time you treated her the same
way you did when you were still trying to get her to marry you?
Next, let us focus on your children, which I think is easier because
they are a part of you. Do we allow our children to be themselves? Some
people think that the best father you can be is a strong disciplinarian.
Absolutely, I agree. But just as much as you discipline your children,
you must also build them up.
Sometimes we are just harsh and we
think this is what God wants, but that isn't the way God is. God loves
us. He gives away His life for us. And then He always tells us He loves
us. Correct?
One of the roles that men have, given to them by
God (see Gen 3:16; 1 Cor 11:3; Eph 5:23), is to be the spiritual leaders
of their families. Now this is where I have called men "spiritual
wimps" for many years. Many men have let their wives be the spiritual
leaders of their families, but this is
not the way God created
it to be. Now this does not mean that you are the master of your wife
and family; it means, like Jesus Christ, you are the servant leader of
your family.
First off, this means that you lead by example.
You must be a man of prayer. For it is only as a son who listens to his
heavenly Father that you can bring the will of the Father to your
family. You cannot be a good and true leader unless you are a true and
good follower. You must daily spend committed time in prayer with God,
then lead your family in prayer. Do you have daily committed time with
your family in prayer? And no, grace before meals is not enough!
You need to be the spiritual leader by being a man of sacrifice. You
exist to give your life away for others, like Jesus did. That means you
give your life for your family first and foremost.
My good
friend Danny Abramowicz loves to tell men at men's conferences: "Men,
your kids will always love their mother, but they want to become just
like you!" If we are not holy ourselves, then our families will not be
holy. It is that simple. God is going to speak to men, women, and
children, but He is speaking especially to men to help us be His very
image.
You are the sacrament of Fatherhood to your children
just like St. Joseph was the sacrament of Fatherhood to Jesus. Just as
God used St. Joseph to form Jesus Christ in His humanity, so too does He
want to use you to form your children. So I would encourage you before
you read any further to stop and ask St. Joseph for his intercession for
you so you can grow in holiness.
The Lord God of the universe
is calling all of us to be great men, men that are examples of Him and
who use Him as our example. We are called to become another Christ in
this world. Our goal is to bring others to Him.
Do it and you will live forever.
